Cheating Bastard: My Top 10 Cheat Foods

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05.15.2015

Cheating, in my opinion, is an essential part of having a successful long-term relationship with food. Whether you’re simply trying to maintain your body or you’re intensely training for a specific event, I believe that breaking the monotony of a restricted and regimented diet is not only enjoyable but can be immensely beneficial. I have been asked many times what foods I like to cheat on my diet with. More often than not, I think others are looking to find the “right” cheat foods. I ask people to keep in mind that the purpose of a cheat is to illicit a favorable physiological and metabolic response. To that end, it’s important that we cheat with purpose! First, it’s important to recognize what it is that your body wants or more importantly, NEEDS. Most people include a significant and constant amount of protein in their diet when trying to get in shape and as a result, most of the time, dieters aren’t craving protein! Typically, carbohydrates and or fats are reduced. Those who opt for high protein with moderate to higher carbs often keep dietary fat intake to a bare minimum. Those who keep protein high and fats at moderate to high levels often keep carbohydrate intake very low. Of course, there are those who make an effort to keep all three macronutriets in their diet, varying or “cycling” the amounts all the time. Keep in mind that the body is very smart and adapts very quickly. Should the body sense a dramatic reduction in calorie intake and or a “near exclusion” of any one macronutrient for a prolonged period of time, out of fear of starving, the body will simply lower its metabolic rate and burning bodyfat becomes that much harder. Whichever way you choose to diet, your body will oftentimes give you a very clear idea of what it wants; usually it is the thing that you are depriving it of. As I said earlier, it isn’t often that the body craves protein; more often than not, it wants carbs or fats or both! Sweet, fatty and salty can usually fix most cravings!

That being said, over the years, I’ve grown accustomed to cheating with certain foods. I have painful memories of eating a clean and restricted diet for weeks or even months and then making the decision to cheat by eating foods like pizza, lasagna, a burger and milkshake….bad idea. The last thing you want from a cheat meal is to feel like you’re going to shit your pants. The bloating, indigestion and overall lack of appetite that followed made me realize that, for me, those foods were bad choices for cheating. Now, when I deviate from my diet for a meal or two, I opt for foods I know will digest well for me. Cheat meals or “re-feeds” as some call them, should leave you feeling satisfied, you should feel stronger and more energetic and your body should look fuller and more alive. You don’t want to feel (or look) like Sigourney Weaver giving birth to an Alien.

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Even more, the sudden increase in calories should assure your body that it isn’t starving and that it can continue to burn calories and bodyfat at a liberal rate. After all, the purpose of cheating is to improve how you look and feel while igniting your metabolism. The best foods to cheat with are foods that I use to boost carbohydrates and or fats and overall calories without feeling lousy! Here are my top ten meals and foods that I like to cheat with:

1. Van Leeuwen Cashew and Coconut Milk Ice Cream:

Yup, it’s vegan. Nope, I’m not going soft. Ice cream is undoubtedly my favorite desert. Unfortunately, I can’t have it because it wrecks my stomach. Until recently, the only option were half-assed soy based ice cream knockoffs; they taste lame because they ARE lame because they’re made from soy. Within the past few years, more companies have begun cranking out coconut milk based frozen deserts as well as some almond milk options. Coconut milk and cream, with its naturally high level of saturated fat and creamy mouth feel wins by a landslide leaving the rest of the “milks” for dead. Trader Joe’s, SO Delicious and Coconut Bliss all have their own versions. Until recently, Coconut Bliss was the clear winner for me while Trader Joe’s came in second leaving SO Delicious in a DISTANT third place. Big nuts Van Leeuwen came into town with a killer lineup of vegan ice creams and WRECKED everyone else. WOW is it good! Wow is it pricey! Wow I don’t even care! As for the nutritional aspect, considering that the fats are coming from coconut and cashew, it’s naturally sweetened and flavored and has a SHORT list of natural ingredients, I would rate it the healthiest ice cream out there. At first it was strictly a matter of “I want ice cream but I don’t want to sit on the toilet all night” which quickly became “Holy shit this tastes great” followed by “Van Leeuwen has his hand deep in my pocket but this stuff tastes so good he can keep it there”. This stuff is ridiculously good and considering the quality of the ingredients, worth every penny. Bonus Round: I hope you’ve polished your self control; you’re going to need it if you want this pint to live another day.

2. Van’s Waffles:

For being a frozen food, toaster waffles taste pretty damn good. What’s better ? Van’s makes gluten free frozen waffles! I’m serious. They digest like a charm. Along with some REAL maple syrup (Mrs. Butterworth’s, although tasty in a gross kind of way, is not real), I can easily down a box of these and get in an extra 150g of carbs with no bloat and easy assimilation. The buckwheat and berries version is my favorite; they taste awesome. But let’s be honest, you’re hungry and with enough genuine maple syrup, the box they come in would taste extraordinary as well. But they really are great tasting waffles!

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3. Breakfast Cereal:

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